I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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