So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
