There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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