i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
