i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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