fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize