I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
