He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
