oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i now understand why vodka
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
