she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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