I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
