Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize