I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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