I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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