no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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