I wish you could order shots online.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
