my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
