I got chris browned last night
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
