8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
