okay pat passed out under dana's car
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
