Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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