did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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