Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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