My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
