you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize