Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
