Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
