hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
