I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
