I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
