i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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