so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
