You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
