You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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