guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize