You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
