i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
