i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
