There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
