Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
