I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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