we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
