I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
