Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
