all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
