I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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