Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
