careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
