Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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