so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
