Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
