You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
