i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize