I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
