Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need a burrito and a hug.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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