I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
