Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
