xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
