Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
