I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
