Have you finally orgasmed yet?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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