there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
