Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i came on her dog
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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